The Slam
Emily Shaw
Salt Lake Community College
Professor Stokes
English 2010
$5,000 Pans
At a local Home and Garden Show a chef was giving a demonstration of Americraft pans. A chef in disguise, that is. He was a trained salesman delivering a sales pitch that I, being the sucker that I am mistakenly fell for. As this man in the white hat prepared meals I sat in awe as he promoted and demonstrated the ease of his pans, knives and other kitchen tools. My partner and our moms sat hypnotized by his impressible sales pitch and learned all of the reasons why we needed this cooking set.
What should one expect from a pan? Until this day I had never considered the many criteria for evaluating a pan. Surely a good pan is one that does not burn food. It should be easy to use and easy to clean. It should be made of non-toxic materials, be sturdy and durable and not scratch easily. It should have handles and knobs that do not fall off. A good pan is like a friend. You want them in your home because they make your life easier, more satisfying, and you know they are dependable.
As I watched this presentation I heard all of these criteria being met and more. The chef prepared meals in minutes, slicing vegetables instantaneously with a slicer and stacking pans to cook multiple foods on one burner! He emphasized and demonstrated how healthy one would be after using these pans because no oil, no butter, no fat at all was needed because the food will not stick. The pans were waterless. We sampled food that was perfectly cooked and tasted amazingly flavorful, without additives or being depleted of vitamins. Who doesn’t want a pan that will cook tasty meals with ease, in half the time, be easy to clean and promote health? To make a good thing even better they never need replacing. They are constructed of 7-layers containing stainless steel, aluminum alloy and magnetic steel. And if they do need replacing they have a lifetime warranty. What more could you ask for in a pan?
Only one problem…at the very end of the presentation the prices were revealed. Ouch! Just hearing the prices put me in a state of shock. And then the deals…the incredible “deals” of buying them in sets. The more you buy the more stuff you get for “free”. Although hypnotized and entirely irrational the price scared me enough to be resistant. My conscious was screaming at me to tell the man to get real. And then the intense moment came when my partner turned to me and asked what I thought.
It pained me to see the high price of a solution to a healthier diet and an answer to her weight problems, which she had been looking for. But what about the high price of health problems if she didn’t lose weight? All the diseases discussed during his presentation had me believing we would be dying any moment due to our poor eating habits. And what I wouldn’t give for fast, easy, home-cooked meals. How could I say no? But, how could I say yes? These pans had a price tag of almost $5000.00 for 4 pans! Although, we were promised a “free” skillet, veggie slicer and two knifes if purchased within five minutes. Filled with anxiety I wanted to crawl under the crowd surrounding me and escape from the pressure that was wearing me to exhaustion. Pressure, anxiety, fear, aaaahhhh!!
With both our moms present I was waiting for my mom to do what she always does and say, “No way, absolutely not. Never do anything on impulse”. But she did not say a word. Looking back I wonder if she too was hypnotized. And so, the sucker that I am, I made a regretful decision. I handed over my credit card and ordered the almost $5000.00 pans. But I was justified, right? We were on our way to a healthier, less-stressful lifestyle. I was saving our lives. What a crock!
About four weeks later when our packages arrived I was still uneasy. Staring down at the two medium sized boxes I was mortified. What small boxes for such big promises. “They must have forgotten something,” surely. We checked each item off the included order form we’d signed but they’d not given us during purchase. And we did, indeed, have all of our items. We were now proud owners of a beautiful, shiny set of four pans with lids and of course our free skillet, veggie slicer, and two knives.
Our love for these pans did not truly fail us until we decided to actually use them. Despite numerous attempts to create a water tight seal by keeping our stove at the right temperature as instructed, time after time our food either burns or takes 3 times longer than our old pans. We called to complain and were told to watch the dvd included on how to use them. We did, which did not help much. How great are pans that need an instruction manual to use them anyhow? Our excitement at the idea of cooking faster, easier, healthier meals without adding fats flew completely out the window.
Cleaning the pans is another story. When the pans do burn food onto them they are the hardest pans I’ve ever cleaned. Cameo (aluminum and stainless steel cleaner) must be used. And it is not as easy as apply and wipe off with a sponge or wash cloth as we were demonstrated and promised. It must soak for a long time in this cleaner and even then it is a nightmare and requires scrubbing intensely. With much frustration we called and asked if we could return our purchase. We assumed we could return them being we’d paid almost $5,000.00 for pans that did nothing but frustrate us. We were wrong. They informed us that we could only return them if they had not been used. What? How were we to know we didn’t like the pans without ever trying them first?
While these pans are sturdy, durable and shiny they are far from desirable. Rather than providing us with a tool to healthier eating, they provide us with a reason to eat out and avoid cooking. Not only are they frustrating to cook with, they are a pain to clean. When I do cook at home I use my old pans half the time to speed up the process of a quick meal. The veggie cutter is worthless, cutting only certain foods. I do have to say we’ve enjoyed our “free” skillet and two knives and have no complaints with them. Overall, for the money we invested in these pans we could have purchased a new set each year of cookware that actually makes cooking easier. Every time I look at pans I get a surge of anger rush through me. So much for quick, so much for easy, so much for healthy, so much for that car I was saving up for!
Oh man, Emily, what a terrible experience. I've been suckered a few times on things like this, but thankfully never to the tune of $5000. I guess you can mark this up to a very expensive lesson earned--you and your partner probably won't make this mistake again.
ReplyDelete10/10